THE MONGOL CHONGLE STORY
Part One Part Two Part Three Part four
FRIDAY NIGHT - 8.30PM - The Archibald Simpson Public House
All is calm. Fraser "The Jellyfish" Hay is out socialising with his work colleagues.
Jelly: Mmmm Dawn, I do like that a*se of yours! Mmmmmm.
Dawn: Fu*k off you perv
Jelly: Mmmmm, can I touch it?
Dawn: Fu*k off you perv
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Jelly starts to drool like Homer Simpson and reaches out to grab Dawn's a*s! Suddenly just at the point of contact, Jelly notices a pregnant bird in the corner of his eye. He spins round and buckles up to her in his best "wrestling pose"
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Jelly: Yum yum yum
Preggers Bird: Fu*k off you perv
Jelly: Yum yum yum
Preggers Bird: Fu*k off you perv
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Suddenly everything goes quite and there is a silent hush circulating the room. Everyone turns to the main doors in anticipation; two men enter singing a familiar song:
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McRae & Dave:
Damage in the air........................Everytime I look around
Damage in the air........................Everytime sight and every sound
Damage in the air........................Damage in the air........TONIGHT!
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At that point Jelly starts to cry saying "Where are my real freinds", as he is wiping away the tears, his moby rings..
Ah finally he says, some real freinds..
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Jelly: Hi Sicker
Sicker: Hi jelly
Jelly: u coming out to play tonight??
Sicker: Not tonight... got to look my best for my hot date with lyndsay tommorow...
Jelly: ok, starts crying again, waaaaaaa
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Suddenly everything goes quite again, all that can be heard is girls singing and laughing, Everyone turns to the main doors in anticipation once again..
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in walks MarkyBoy with his usual, another stunning girlie....
McRae: Yum Yum, inaboot inaboot
Jelly: Yum Yum Yum
Mcrae: No way, no way, not again!!!!!
MarkyBoy: Ive told you Mcrae, you have lost your MOJO
Mcrae: Im gonna give her chat, im gonna give her chat
Dave: MMMMMM(As he runs his fingers through His hair)
Jelly: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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11.45 pm Union Street
The Group continues on to a club in Aberdeen�s trendy downtown area Justice Mill Lane�
Some members of the group express their disappointment at the choice of venue�.
McRae : This place is pish and empty, there wont be many young tarts wanting it in here.
Jelly : Franklyns is great, yum yum, ringadingding, I always want to go here, honest yeah I do!!
Dave : Nah nah lets have a drink here and go somewhere else if we don�t get in about, the birds in here wont be able to resist us!!
McRae : Oh yeah I agree, heh heh, they wont know what�s hit them!
Meanwhile�.Jelly is sitting at Dawns feet, not unlike a dependable lap-dog�.
Jelly : Woof woof, pant pant,
Getting tired of the stifling attentions of Jelly, the Atlas girls decide to head home early for
a kebeb and girly chat about Leonardo Dicaprio and that gayboy off popstars�
Jelly : Screw you guys im going home, I hate this place, I never wanted to come here�.I don�t care what you want to do!!
And with that he dissappeared down the stairs muttering something about not being able to control himself and choosing life�
Sometime the following evening � The Triple Kirks Public House
It�s a busy night in Trips and the place is rammed. Ministry is running around like a loony trying to steal as many free drink vouchers as he can��.
Ministry: (obviously in exaggerated monotone voice): Waaaaaa let me through, waaaaaaaaa. McRae you are a dick, McRae it�s all your fault. This is the 23rd best night of my life���.
Sicker: Waaaaaa. Lindsey loves me. Waaaaaaa. Lend me some bucks. Waaaa
Sicker gives a trademark wiggle of the leg before buckling off to �sell� anything his has in an attempt to get some money
Lindsey has meanwhile mounted to bar and is raving away to S Club 7 while trying to �hold herself in��.�On hearing the music Marky-Boy suddenly jumps to feet and gives it �hands to heaven�.
Suddenly the music stops, a silent hush draws in. The S Club track is a distant memory and has been replaced by a John Wayne style western theme tune.
The bar room door swings open to reveal Sheriff Jelly standing in the shadows, hands ready poised just above each holstered gun
Jelly: Peeeeeewaaaaoooowww!!! Peeeeeewaaaaoooowww!!! Peeeeeewaaaaoooowww!!!
Jelly attempts to impress the girls with his shooting skills, instead all he receives are strange looks while everyone tries to hold back sniggers.
In a musical like finale everyone bursts into song (directed towards Jelly):
Sometimes
When you cry
No one sees your tears.
Sometimes
When you are in pain
No one sees your hurt
Sometimes
When you are worried
No one sees your stress
Sometimes
When you are happy
No one sees your smile
But make a tit of yourself just one time?
Everybody knows!!
E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y-k-n-o-w-s!
Trum-dum-dum�..
END OF PART ONE
And Finally, a little word from Mcrae